May 22, 2005

Parents often have reservations when their children show interest in a religious calling.

Father John Cihak of Corvallis, Ore., visits his father, Mike, during a January leave from studies in Rome. In the past 20 years his home parish, St. Mary in Corvallis, has produced at least two dozen vocations. “What we have to show is that there is something special about the priesthood,” says the elder Cihak, head of a parish vocations committee.
CNS photo by Gerry Lewin, Catholic Sentinel

Vocations directors share a telling anecdote about a colleague from a Midwest diocese. The man involved in the story is a happy and effective priest who has a good relationship with a family in his parish. He admires them and thinks their feelings are mutual. Then he asks the parents whether they think their teenager might make a good priest. “Oh, no, Father!” they exclaim. “We don’t want our son to be a priest. We want him to be successful.”

It’s a story that hits close to home. Recent findings by the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate reveal that support for religious vocations is indeed weak among those whose support is most needed—parents. But the center’s study, conducted among youth ministers by a Georgetown University research team for the National Conference of Catholic Bishops, indicates cause for hope among young people themselves. In many ways, the study’s results are good news. Youth score high, for example, in Catholic identity. Results show that almost all are “proud to be Catholic” (94 percent) and “admire the pope” (89 percent). Virtually all “feel welcome at church” (90 percent), which may well offer ripe ground for future vocations.

The survey also found that today’s young Catholics value the Mass—72 percent attend weekly or more often. And a significant number have thought about service as a priest, brother, or sister: 36 percent of young men and 24 percent of young women.

More discouraging, though, is the area of parental support. Though one-third of the youth have considered a religious vocation, only 26 percent of young men and 15 percent of young women report receiving parental encouragement.

Apparently, priestly and religious life, which were highly regarded career choices decades ago, are less so now. Then most Catholics were from low- and lower-middle-class families. Material success meant steady employment and a regular paycheck. People entering the workforce aspired to service jobs in policing, firefighting, teaching, and nursing. Service in the church was honorable.

Now, however, as U.S. Catholics have advanced economically, they’ve changed their concept of success. Today it frequently includes massive earning power, the accumulation of wealth, and a prestigious profession.

The problem, of course, touches not only priesthood and religious life, but also other career choices, as any college student can report. More than one collegian has felt pressure from parents to major in business or another lucrative field rather than in English, history, art, philosophy, or education. The advice that “teachers don’t make much money” is heard in the same homes where parents demand quality schooling. The irony escapes them.

The Georgetown study makes clear that the church must revise its approach to promoting vocations. Clearly, parents must be included as important partners in building a positive climate for vocations. One task is to address head-on parents’ attitudes toward success, their understanding of church and vocation, and even their images of religious life.

In addition to concern for success, there are other reasons many parents do not encourage religious vocations.

Loneliness is an issue. Many priests report that their parents worry they will be lonely. And there is no denying that loneliness is a part of the human condition; no one escapes it. At the same time, most priests and religious live happy and fulfilled lives, usually because they are immersed in the lives of the people they serve. Not to be overlooked either is the community shared by religious, who also maintain ties with families and friends.

To be sure, there’s strong statistical data to underscore arguments that priesthood is satisfying. A survey by the Los Angeles Times, for example, looked at priestly satisfaction and found an incredibly positive feeling among clergy. On the question of the likelihood of leaving the priesthood, for instance, only 2 percent said they were very likely to leave the priesthood; 87 percent reported they were very unlikely to leave. A related Times survey found similar levels of satisfaction among women religious.

A decreasing awareness of the meaning of vocations also influences parents’ attitudes. Everyone has a vocation—and people who see God walking with and guiding them recognize that. This sense of vocation, the call God has placed in the human heart, requires recognition that God loves each person into life and gives each a unique mission.

It’s a concept wrapped in mystery. That God has called one to do something special and unique and that God operates unseen in the everyday world is hard to accept in a pragmatic society in which seeing is believing. Consequently, parents who have a deep sense of their own personal vocation, how God has called, guided, and assisted them in living out their baptismal commitment, can better understand and feel honored that their own child might have a religious vocation.

Attitudes toward the church also affect how parents directly advise their children and indirectly convey attitudes toward church service. When parents have difficulty with the church, encouraging sons and daughters to serve in the church becomes complicated. It is easy for a parent to pass on a bias or agenda without realizing it—in snide comments, negative judgments, or biting critiques. As a result some young persons may never know the church as a place of comfort and challenge, of helping others, and of meeting God.

Another very personal reason that may influence parents is that celibacy deprives them of grandchildren. When a child is an only child, this prospect can be devastating. Such parents face in a special way Jesus’ challenge to follow him.

Bishops are now formulating a strategy for strengthening vocations that addresses many parental concerns. The new study recommends “bringing parents into dialogue and developing a greater understanding of a parent’s perspective on vocations.”

This, the study notes, “may have a greater impact on church vocations than working with youth alone. If parents more directly encourage church vocations, more youth may well pursue such a path.”

The way parents live their vows helps children learn they can make permanent commitments, whether to marriage or to priesthood or religious life.

Father Reker is a former executive director of the Secretariat for Vocations and Priestly Formation of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.